Tag Archives: Cooking

A Right Roasting

14 Jul

I’ve always said that there are SOME things I can do. I can turn out a reasonable fry-up and my roast dinners aren’t too bad.

Actually, apart from the fact they are usually far too large and not presented that well, my roast dinner is probably my best cooked dish.

As long as the meat is something nice and easy like a chicken, rather than a slab of beef – which I would overcook and serve in dried out hunks.

But a Roast Chicken Dinner I CAN DO. Look:



Admittedly I’ve given up trying to make my own Yorkshire puds and my vegetables come ready prepared and easily steamed but still, it’s not bad.

I also make quite a good gravy using the meat juices. See, you’d never think that about me would you? Using meat juices.

I can also make roasties, I use the Delia par-boil method, give ’em a shake and straight into hot oil. Works for me.

Also a roast dinner HAS to have stuffing – either in slabs, balls or direct from the chicken’s arse. Also bread sauce is a deal breaker. I won’t eat or serve without.

However – and of course there is a however – I absolutely destroy the kitchen. I use every single pot and pan and usually something ends up on the floor.

Sometimes the whole family wonder whether a roast dinner cooked by me is worth the absolute devastation. I know I should clean as I go but I find everything kind of comes together all at the same time and pans, knives, serving spoons, jugs are all needed all at once and so kind of get left.


For which I get… a right roasting.


Minecraft Pizza! An education and an abomination.

30 Jan

Son and I got a kids cookery book for Christmas. I tried to hide it, but was reminded of it recently when my son suggested we cook more together. I held his little face in my hands not wanting to let him down, not wanting to remind him of our previous disasters. Hope always springs eternal in the young… so with a heavy heart I got the book out and said we could try to make anything he liked in it.

Happily he chose creative pizzas, I was relieved  because all that means is making shapes out of food on ready made bases. Phew, baking bullet dodged.

Sadly it wasn’t totally without trauma.

First up the Clockface Pizza – telling the time with food – what could be more educational? These pictures need no explanation but just imagine two happy human faces putting this little beauty together:


 Son happily ate all four quarters telling the time as he did so. Look, it even looks a bit like the picture in the book!
Pizz3Fired up with success and enthusiasm for this creative pizza making lark I then boldly told my son we could try any design he liked. To hell with the constraints of the book what would HE like to see on a pizza. The answer was Steve from Minecraft. What? Steve, you know from Minecraft? Right find me a picture. He did and so not without some trepidation we got stuck in…

For the uninitiated Minecraft is made up solely of squares and blocks, rather at odds with the roundness of pizza and its toppings.  I knew our happy pizza making days were at an end – before they had even really begun…

This is what Steve from Minecraft looks like:
mine-craft-steve-headsteve-head---minecraft-mask---myteespot---your-t-shirt-store-b2e0cutdAnd this is what he looks like on a pizza:


Son was so distraught at the abomination, the desecration of the venerated Steve that he refused to eat it and went off to play Minecraft instead. He asked me not to write about the experience and hasn’t asked to cook with me again.
He has a point. But I challenge any mother to make Steve out of pizza and not scare people?

It’s the eyes right? They’re watching you, little pizza eyes… don’t have nightmares ok?


Alice Celebrates National Burger Day

28 Aug

Or I’m not sure if celebrate is the right word for this?

Yesterday was National Burger Day (special foodstuff, special day) and to mark such a momentous occasion I decided to get some out of the freezer. Well it was actually by co-incidence because it was all that I had but the timing of the date wasn’t lost on me.

(And I really do love a burger, I can’t get enough of these new, trendy burger joints springing up all over the place. Although I can’t resist telling these new young upstarts that some of us have actually been eating burgers for years)

And so I give to you… my dear readers… this:
burgs Continue reading

Red Sky In The Morning, Shepherds Pie Warning

19 Aug

If you want to know what happens when you don’t make (buy) enough mashed potato to cover your shepherd’s pie then let me show you…

It goes in like this:

Shep1 Continue reading

50 Shades of Orange

4 Jul

I was talking to some chaps on Facebook the other day about how all real picnic food is yellow or orange – not like the beetroot dip and lamb parcels I saw in the M&S ad that made me cry this week – no the stuff you really want to

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eat outdoors – like scotch eggs, sausage rolls, brie, baguettes, champagne and crisps. All the same colour, all great al fresco. Same goes for buffet fare, it HAS to be the same colour, it’s the law.

Now I’m not big on presentation as most of you know but I seem to manage to colour-co-ordinate quite a lot of my food. I don’t plan it but it kind of works out like that sometimes. You know the sort of thing – white fish, mash and parsley sauce – all on the same plate, all the same colour, all sort of blending into each other.

I have a reluctant skill in putting together these colour combined dishes but I’m always happy to share and so here is my latest dried out midweek meal only made interesting because everything on the plate is within the same Pantone range:

Top Toad!

24 Jun

A few of you may remember the last time I made toad in the hole, and my made my dog sick?
Well, still smarting from that particular episode I knew the experiment wasn’t over. I had to revisit toad in the

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hole and make it mine once and for all. So… here we go again… dog help us all.

Sausages lightly fried and emptied into a cooking tin, a well mixed batter applied to the top:
toadPut in the oven long enough so that the batter cooks this time:
toad1Erm, that was easy. Not quite sure why I had so much trouble with it last time.
I’m sure I could still do with a bit of help with presentation though? Or maybe I just need bigger plates?
toad3Would you look at the size of that.
Funnily enough there was plenty left for the dog too, and he didn’t throw it back up this

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A Little Pasta Philanthropy

5 Jun

There are some good people in the world, people who take note of the plight of others and act upon it.
People who read my blog and think they might be able to help me out – or even help my son out and save him from badly presented and probably unhealthy dinners!

Look, I wasn’t the one who nearly served my boy up raw turkey rasher sandwiches because I thought they were ham ok?
It was my husband (true story).

little2 But anyway… those kind folk at Little Dish felt that I could maybe do with some help and sent me this rather nice hamper so that we could try out their new fresh filled pasta and sauce range.

I couldn’t really go wrong as the pasta is added to boiling water and the sauce (which is full of hidden vegetables but actually tastes just like lovely tomatoes) is warmed up on the hob.
Continue reading

No Words Necessary

23 Apr

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Don’t Play With Your Food, Or Do

10 Apr

Just a little update on my son’s recent meals, since my last post about them (do go back and read it if you want to know how to boil hotdogs or create seaweed from cheese).

Purists will be glad to know that I have managed to source and slice some buns for those easy dogs:
kids1 Continue reading

Burnt Leaves (not a Sausage Casserole)

27 Mar

Life is all about learning… and I have recently learnt that you can’t bake kale. Well not unless you like crispy black leaves.
Here is my signature thing going in:
saus1This mix of meat and things includes fresh kale, it looks great doesn’t it? It’s got a potential sausage casserole vibe going on right?
Here it is coming out:
saus2I feel kale needs

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I used on it. But as I say, life is all about learning.
Crispy black leaves anyone?

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