All About Alice

I love to cook, it’s just that I can’t. Despite trying endlessly to master them the secrets of the stove still allude me. My husband rolls his eyes when I excitedly exclaim we are having a ‘special tea’ or that I have come up with something new only to be served up with yet another disaster.

But I love food, I eat far too much of the stuff. I love going out for dinner and watching cookery shows, I buy the latest books, I imagine myself cooking amazing things and running a little café, writing out a menu every day of delectable delights. I think about just popping out to the local market and picking up a ‘fish’ or some ‘in-season vegetables’ and just knowing what to do with them but alas that will never be the case… so sometimes I just make sandwiches.

I’ll never lose my enthusiasm for cooking but sadly it has no enthusiasm for me! Here I chart my attempts at getting it right, maybe just once?

Fellow rubbish cooks are welcome to share their own (burnt) offerings…

Alice Can’t Cook started as an original blog post I wrote for my local paper here:

You can read other blogs written by me by clicking on the two links below:


16 Responses to “All About Alice”

  1. Poppy.. 03/10/2011 at 4:38 pm #

    ha ha… i love how you wite. Hilarious, honest and very human.

    I host regular secret suppers and vintage afternoon teas from home or – can come to you.
    Would love to see you there sometime..
    Love Poppy..
    facebook – lovepoppyfood

  2. Alice Cant Cook 04/10/2011 at 9:58 am #

    Hi Poppy, thanks for reading and subscribing!
    The sad thing is I love food, and I love writing about it, it just doesn’t love me back 😦

    What a beautiful site you have!
    I think I need you in my life….

  3. Poppy.. 05/10/2011 at 11:56 am #

    practice practice and practice a bit more…. for someone who loves food as much as you
    you can only get better.

    thanks for liking my site. Just a whisk away if you need me !

  4. Warren 26/10/2011 at 1:03 am #

    Okay. Found you via Foodbuzz. You had me at “Car Crash Cuisine.” Now that you have me hooked, reel me in. lol.

    Looking forward to more!


    • Alice Can't Cook 26/10/2011 at 9:11 am #

      Hey Warren, great to hear from you!
      Thanks for reading.
      Looking forward to more comments on my ‘car-crash’ cooking
      All the best, Ax

  5. Alessandra 19/12/2011 at 2:01 pm #

    Hi Alice,
    I’d like to invite you to join Radical Dining Society which is all about creating dining experiences and a radical and innovative way. So If you like good food in interesting ways, with great company, request your membership here! adding manually (do not copy and paste) the following invitation code: RDSxx4x002 This will give you a 4 months free upgrade when you sign up! We’ll be starting events in the New Year and it would be great if you could spread the word!
    Let me know please if you’d like to post about it, I really love your blog so that would be amazing!
    I look forward to hearing from you
    Best Regards

  6. David Crichton 23/03/2012 at 8:42 pm #

    Hi Alice,

    Like everyone else I found your blog highly amusing. I was just checking some out via UKFBA. I believe i can cook but my friends have said my english is appalling. So i’m taking notes from your style.

    If you get a moment let me know what you think,


    • Alice Can't Cook 26/03/2012 at 10:43 am #

      Hi there Dave
      Thanks for reading, great to hear from you!

      I loved the look of your fondant potatoes, gorgeous. I’d love to make those… sadly I doubt I’d even try 😦

      I’ll come and find you on UKFBA
      All the best, xx

  7. keepcalmgetfit 31/07/2012 at 1:40 pm #

    I just bought your book! I’ve enjoyed what i’ve read so far – can’t wait to read more! 🙂

    • Alice Can't Cook 20/08/2012 at 1:50 pm #

      Hello there! thanks for letting me know – that is really kind of you. I hope you enjoy the book. Good luck with your endeavours – a really interesting blog there! x

  8. findthedetails 13/12/2012 at 1:58 pm #

    Hi Alice, I’ve really enjoyed your blog! I’ve nominated you for a Liebster Award; you can read about it here:
    Let me know what you think!

  9. Victoria 10/01/2013 at 10:28 pm #

    Alice… Found you through Foodie Penpals, am just down the coast in Sunny Worthing! love your blog, many parts had me chuckling away! Enjoy your next parcel soon! Victoria

  10. Senka 04/04/2013 at 12:42 pm #


    We’ve recently launched the website It’s a search engine that aims to gather all the best recipes from UK and Irish websites and blogs. We’ve noticed that you have a lot of great looking recipes on your blog that we would love to feature on our site. To read more about how it all works and to sign up with your blog, please visit: or send us an email on We look forward to hearing from you!
    Kind regards,

  11. Emma (@LondonKiwiEmma) 13/04/2013 at 1:43 pm #

    Hi Alice,

    Love your funny blog – I always look forward to you popping up in my bloglovin’ updates!

    Ps. I just nominated you for a Leibster Award! Check out the information about it here:

    If you haven’t come across it yet, it’s a way of recognising the efforts of bloggers, and is given by other bloggers to help strengthen the community.

  12. mallica reardon 22/06/2014 at 8:30 pm #

    my son calls my chilli ….chilli con carnage lol


  1. » One Year On… A Poem! - 15/05/2013

    […] All About Alice […]

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