But I’m nothing like Gwyneth Paltrow?

25 Nov

As much as I would like to dislike the woman I have a sneaking admiration for Gwyneth Paltrow. Probably the reasons I want to dislike her are precisely the reasons why I actually do like her – the smug lifestyle advice, the casual, smart dressing that no other mother can pull off, the hair, the hair, the hair. I’d like to absorb it all please.

But obviously I can’t and I won’t because Paltrow is probably perfect and can cook bloody well (if slightly sanctimoniously) and I obviously can’t. However, I’ll drop into Gwynnie’s world now and again for snippets of advice and was quite taken with her idea of a week long detox now and again. Of course the chummy ‘I’ll be there with you as I too need to lose a few pounds’ didn’t wash but the abstinence from gluten, dairy, caffeine, booze and sugar struck a chord. Now (just) the wrong side of 40 I do find my digestive system doesn’t seem to work quite as well as it used to – sometimes I only need to look at something edible and I blow up like a balloon and I know I drink and eat far too much.

So a couple of weeks ago I decided to take the plunge and give myself a break, a boost, a detox, a bloody hard week, whatever you want to call it. Perversely I was rather looking forward to it.

I have absolutely no will power usually, I am one of those cupboard rummagers who will eat anything if it’s in the house, but can just about set my mind to something for about 5-7 days. Yes, a week long project is probably my limit – I’ve tried the Juice Diet and WeightWatchers and DietChef and yes a week is usually enough. (I’ll never be thin).

photo 2I wrote a little message in the kitchen to remind myself not to go heating up any croissants and I was on my way…

Following Gwyneth’s Detox plan and recipes to the letter I bought all the stuff needed and settled in for a week of vegetable soups, smoothies, salad and herbal teas. Waking up without a cup of strong and milky was hard but the warm lemon water upon rising is rather lovely really and I was happy to not feel full and bloated all the time from the amount of bread I consume. And I got a lot of warm satisfaction from not eating my son’s left over fish fingers and mini rolls as I smugly fed them to the dog instead of losing them down my throat as usual.

I did however probably alienate all friends and family – not from being grumpy, it didn’t affect me emotionally at all – but from the amount of onions, garlic and miso I was ingesting and then sweating out again. A couple of meals included a teriyaki chicken dish. Here is mine:

photo 1

Of course I messed it up royally – it looks nothing like Gwyneth’s example – but after three days of leaves in hot water I was glad of something solid no matter how dry it was. The charcoal taste was actually a welcome change.

I stuck at it religiously for five and a half days, you are meant to do seven but who (apart from Gwyneth herself) can deny themselves a bottle of Pinot Grigio whilst watching The X-Factor? Not me Paltrow, not me. It’s like Saturday night medicine to help the awful singing go down.

I have to admit that I felt a bit lighter and brighter whilst eating this way, and dare I say it a few good moods seemed to appear out of nowhere when normally it takes a trip to Disneyland to make me smile spontaneously.

There are lessons to be learnt here (for me anyway) and a few cleaner days are certainly in order. Probably in January and certainly after I’ve finished this new lime marmalade that is absolutely scrummy and best eaten with a spoon straight from the fridge with a hot croissant.

I might be back on it come the new year, I’m hoping I get the hair next time?

and I was on my way…

Following Gwyneth’s Detox plan and recipes to the letter I bought all the stuff needed and settled in for a week of vegetable soups, smoothies, salad and herbal teas. Waking up without a cup of strong and milky was hard but the warm lemon water upon rising is rather lovely really and I was happy to not feel full and bloated all the time from the amount of bread I consume. And I got a lot of warm satisfaction from not eating my son’s left over fish fingers and mini rolls as I smugly fed them to the dog instead of losing them down my throat as usual.

I did however probably alienate all friends and family – not from being grumpy, it didn’t affect me emotionally at all – but from the amount of onions, garlic and miso I was ingesting and then sweating out again.

A couple of meals included a teriyaki
chicken dish. Here is mine:

photo 1Of course I messed it up royally – it looks nothing like Gwyneth’s example – but after three days of leaves in hot water I was glad of something solid no matter how dry it was. The charcoal taste was actually a welcome change.

I stuck at it religiously for five and a half days, you are meant to do seven but who (apart from Gwyneth herself) can deny themselves a bottle of Pinot Grigio whilst watching The X-Factor? Not me Paltrow, not me. It’s like Saturday night medicine to help the awful singing go down.

I have to admit that I felt a bit lighter and brighter whilst eating this way, and dare I say it a few good moods seemed to appear out of nowhere when normally it takes a trip to Disneyland to make me smile spontaneously.

There are lessons to be learnt here (for me anyway) and a few cleaner days are certainly in order. Probably in January and certainly after I’ve finished this new lime marmalade that is absolutely scrummy and best eaten with a spoon straight from the fridge with a hot croissant.

If you want to give the Goop Detox a go – it’s here – it’s apparently their most popular post. Let me know how you get on, I might be back on it come the new year, I’m hoping I get the hair next time?

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2 Responses to “But I’m nothing like Gwyneth Paltrow?”

  1. Wokandspoon 11/01/2014 at 8:54 pm #

    Well done for detoxing for 5.5 days! I don’t think I would last 1 day with just a liquid breakfast!

    • Alice Can't Cook 17/01/2014 at 1:01 pm #

      Ha ha – I know, not quite sure how you’re supposed to manage for a whole week! Thanks for reading 🙂

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