Cooking Is Child’s Play

7 Mar

Regular readers will know I cook a lot with my son, sometimes

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successfully, usually unsuccessfully.
Of course being a mother means having to create bespoke meals for fussy eaters, or as I like to call it ‘putting something on a plate he’ll put in his mouth’.
Sometimes this does not include the prerequisite fruit and veg – mothers that are able to do that ‘hiding vegetables in food so they don’t know they’re eating it’ thing, I salute you. And sometimes it means serving up Dairylea Dunkers for breakfast.

Yes, prepare to be shocked, or prepare to be relieved that someone else does this… here I present some my most terrible, most favoured and most easiest (I can say ‘most easiest’ because it’s my blog grammar hounds) kids dishes:

I am quite pleased with this, because it looks normal right? But don’t be alarmed, it’s not quite right. Those eggs are rock hard of course. I have taught my son that the soldiers are NOT for dipping but for making little sandwiches out of the spooned out egg. If he ever came for tea round your house and had boiled eggs and soldiers, this is what he would do. He wouldn’t expect a runny egg or know what to do with one. My cooking has ruined his childhood.
Yes, I too understand the importance of presentation in food. If I don’t make a picture out of these ‘fish dippers’ he won’t eat them. And no those aren’t carrot sticks, it’s red cheese. As I say it’s about putting something on a plate that he’ll put in his mouth. Cheese trumps carrots. Please note use of both brown and red sauces. I thank you.
I do love that story from the author of the Charlie & Lola books… about how her mother would add some red food colouring to milk and call it ‘Pink Milk’ (Charlie & Lola’s favourite drink). It’s about adding glamour to the ordinary. My son prefers not to eat his fromage frais straight out of the pot as it’s not special enough. So now I decant it into a glass bowl, add in some jam or mashed fruit, spray on some ‘bumpy cream’ (aerosol) and chocolate sprinkles. Et voila, your finest trifle sir.
Hotdogs. On a plate, with sauce. No really, I do serve this up. Don’t call Social Services, they’re vegetarian.

Yes I do own the Annabel Karmel cookbook, no I’ve never opened it.

Thankfully my son is tall, robust, rarely troubled by illness and always gets a funny note in his lunchbox from me so I don’t have sleepless nights.
And besides, he loves telling his teachers that his mother can’t cook.


8 Responses to “Cooking Is Child’s Play”

  1. Poppy 08/03/2013 at 4:41 pm #

    Just love this..

    When I re find it I am going to send you a website that will make you laugh..
    hopefully !


    • Alice Can't Cook 13/03/2013 at 2:28 pm #

      Hi again Poppy, thanks for reading, I think little Pablo eats far better than my son – great blog though. Hope you’re well x

  2. Poppy 08/03/2013 at 4:59 pm #

    Found it ..


    Read little Pablos weekly menu ! Not sure it’s supposed to be funny but certainly made me laugh.


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