Garlic Bomb

27 Jun

So I’ve got a new blender. (I’m always treating myself to new kitchen gadgets, one will reveal the cook in me I am sure)
Anyway this is a tiny coffee cup size contraption that claims to make soups, smoothies and salsas. It will whip and chop and grate and make me tea in the morning, apparently.

I decided to make the blender recipe book recommended ‘ Ten Second Healthy Houmous’ (how do you spell hummus by the way?) which took a little longer than ten seconds – which I did feel to be rather a grand claim – but anyway…
All you do is add:

  • a can of chick peas
  • a dash of stock
  • two cloves of garlic (I put in three for good measure)
  • some lemon juice
  • cumin, paprika, salt or chilli powder to taste

to your lovely little blender and whizz it all up.
I WAS AMAZED.

After little more than a minute of whizzing I had humous. Real life humos.
I artfully drizzled with a little olive oil and a sprinkling of paprika.
Then excitedly toasted up some pitta breads and proudly served my authentic dip to my husband with a proud smirk:
“No I DIDN’T buy it, I MADE it’

Taking big mouthfuls (it looked so innocuous) we weren’t quite prepared for the taste explosion about to knock us out.
Raw garlic, not quite blended in properly, was all that we could taste. The bland, beige look of the dip totally hiding the fact that it was full of these hideous allium bombs that we were crunching on.

Too late to back out it started going up our noses, making our eyes water, making our ears go red. Spluttering we looked at each other in horror.
My hommos was dangerous.

Within seconds my husband starting rubbing his stomach. He told me to not talk to him for the rest of the night, not because he was upset about the dip but because I was breathing toxic fire from my mouth.

After a tentative night of massaging our bellies and belching we woke up the next day so nauseous and noxious it would have been inadvisable to stand next to a naked flame (we’d have gone up like a fire in a lab).

My tongue felt like the kitchen carpet in a student house.
My armpits were deadly.

That was two days ago and I am still conscious about talking to people.
Next time I am using garlic oil or just less garlic and blending for longer. Or I might just make tzatziki which I am sure I can also do in my new blender.

Meanwhile here is my houommouse:
Approach with caution.
It’s going to go off!

 

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5 Responses to “Garlic Bomb”

  1. Annie Hall 04/07/2012 at 3:19 pm #

    I love this post!! Really funny. I thought you’d cracked it!! I’d have put as much garlic in as you did!!!
    Thanks for sharing
    Annie

  2. Annie Hall 04/07/2012 at 3:21 pm #

    And yes, how on earth do you spell hummous/hummus/houmous?

    • Alice Can't Cook 05/07/2012 at 2:43 pm #

      Thanks for reading Annie. Lets learn from my mistakes and only go for two cloves per tin of chick peas? Maybe blend a bit longer and use a bit more oil? Hopefully that will keep the dreaded bombs at bay….

      And yes I thought if I used every spelling of the stuff I could find I would have ALL bases covered!

      Lots of love, ACC xxx

      PS I might need to try your banoffee sundae!

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