Dog vs. Toad

17 Oct

This is the sad tale of how Dog lost his fight against Toad.
Settle down, enjoy…

I have a thing about Toad In The Hole, I’ve loved it since I was little, you never see it on menus and I would like to eat more of it.  I regularly attempt to make it at home.
For some reason I think it goes well with cauliflower cheese, so set myself a huge challenge by trying to make the two of them at the same time.
In the same kitchen.

I’ve learnt from past mistakes that you need to fry the sausages a bit before putting them into the batter, otherwise they ooze into the mixture while cooking and keeping it from going crispy.

Getting home I found my sausages hadn’t defrosted so I quickly popped them into a bowl of boiling water (don’t ask me why I didn’t use the microwave)
Then:

  • I prepped the batter so it had time to settle
  • I steamed the cauliflower florets
  • I made a cheese sauce to die for using butter, flour, milk, mustard and grated cheddar without even thinking about it – go me!
  • I put a dish of oil into the oven to heat up and got a frying pan on the go

Time to fry off the sausages.
Did you know that dumping hot wet sausages into hot wet fat sets the pan alight and nearly burns down your kitchen? No? Well you do now, and so do I.

Anyway – as soon as I had managed to put the flames out, turned the smoke alarm off and stopped my child from crying (what price Toad in the Hole huh?) I took a look at my sausages. Here they are:


Immediately scorched and with bits of flapping skin. Nice. Well it was all I had and unless I was going to serve up cauliflower pancakes I had to proceed.

  • I put the sausages in the dish of hot oil
  • Poured over the batter mix
  • Added the cheese sauce to the cauliflower and put some grated cheese over the top
  • Popped both dishes in the oven
  • Set about cleaning the smoke damage off the tiled splashback with a steam cleaner (honestly)

Here is the finished dish:


It’s a bloody disgrace.

Sadly yes the batter inside the Toad in the Hole stayed flabby, and probably a bit raw too, which my husband suggested was possibly dangerous? I replied that dancing around the kitchen with a pan of burning bangers had been slightly more hazardous but anyway…

My beautiful cheese sauce had separated on cooking, turning into hot milk and yellow lumps. The sausages after being defrosted in boiling water and then cast into the flames had taken on a bitter/off tang and yes the batter was unsafe. But the cauliflower was edible. So we had that.

The dog took up the challenge and had the rest. Here is a picture:


And then exactly four hours later he threw it all back up again.
(Burnt sausages, cheese lumps and flabby toad in the hole all over the floor, and looking remarkably like it had when I’d served it up in the first place).

But funnily enough I didn’t take a picture of that.

The End.

Advertisements

12 Responses to “Dog vs. Toad”

  1. love poppy 17/10/2011 at 2:24 pm #

    I am not sure reading your posts are good for a middle aged womans bladder.

    Brilliant.. I have note any culinary tips to offer until I stop laughing

  2. love poppy 17/10/2011 at 6:44 pm #

    no not ;note !

  3. John 18/10/2011 at 8:21 am #

    Ah well, perhaps stick to the bangers and mash… or come to mine, I’ll make it with you and show you my way of ballsing it up.

  4. Laura 18/10/2011 at 9:05 pm #

    My husband and I took a while to stop crying with laughter over this! This one is going to be hard to beat x

  5. Alice Cant Cook 19/10/2011 at 9:02 am #

    Ah Poppy and Laura, thanks for reading. Yes I laughed too, very much, the NEXT day.
    I was nearly crying though on the night. I really wanted my toad in the hole. But ended up eating some cauliflower instead and I made my dog ill.
    Ho – hum. xx

    John – I love sausages in all their forms… and I bet you don’t balls it up as badly as me? x

  6. Dan Backler 03/06/2013 at 4:26 pm #

    Oh my love…I can hear you saying the words.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Shortbread: A Cautionary Tale « - 25/10/2011

    […] I explained that they were burnt and he and Daddy would be probably unable to eat them. He cried, and became inconsolable. (The second time my cooking has made my son cry recently!) […]

  2. » Cooking for Casualty - 04/04/2012

    […] definitely made the dog ill, on numerous occasions. You’ll probably remember my Toad In The Hole and what happened to […]

  3. Love All Blogs » the non-profit making, altruistic blog showcasing site » 02-04-12 Love Cookery Weekly - 05/05/2012

    […] Like this?Read more… […]

  4. » Top Toad! - 24/06/2013

    […] few of you may remember the last time I made toad in the hole, and my made my dog sick? Well, still smarting from that particular episode I knew the experiment wasn’t over. I had […]

  5. One Year On… A Poem! | - 18/10/2013

    […] Toad in the Hole nearly burnt the kitchen down And even an easy kids recipe made me frown A slimy festive turkey had me skidding across the floor But my Christmas kit cakes had them crying out for more […]

  6. Hounded Out Of The Kitchen! | - 02/05/2014

    […] I love my dog. I don’t always try to poison him with Toad In The Hole. […]

Can you help Alice?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: